I have been wondering this the past few days. I have found a guy who makes me laugh, i can talk to, and there are some common interest. Now I'm starting to find his faults. I drive home and think about how can i date a guy whose only a few inches taller than me and balding and has ugly furniture. I know it sounds crazy. So, i keep wondering what is wrong. Why do I try to sabotage myself? I find someone that I'm interested in and soon after I start looking around at others. I always do this. (I'm not talking about cheating or dating two or three guys at the same time) Yes, i have commitment issues but only with my heart.
I have such a hard time letting people into my life. Almost every person from my childhood through early adulthood has let me down and not been there for me. I can still count on one hand how many people really know me. As a child you adapt and you don't know any differe
nt. Kids are very resilient to their environment. It's always been me looking out for me. I've always done things for me. I push people away when they get close. The good ones stick around and let me work out my issues and (thankfully) let me work out my trust issues and learn to trust them.
I like the bad boys the one that you don't settle down with. Probably because i know nothing serious will come of it.
I just don't know what it means. I have been in a serious relationship before (not many but i have).
I have such a hard time letting people into my life. Almost every person from my childhood through early adulthood has let me down and not been there for me. I can still count on one hand how many people really know me. As a child you adapt and you don't know any differe
nt. Kids are very resilient to their environment. It's always been me looking out for me. I've always done things for me. I push people away when they get close. The good ones stick around and let me work out my issues and (thankfully) let me work out my trust issues and learn to trust them.I like the bad boys the one that you don't settle down with. Probably because i know nothing serious will come of it.
I just don't know what it means. I have been in a serious relationship before (not many but i have).
1 comment:
I think it is normal to have doubts and reservations in the early stages of dating. I don’t know about you, but I have such a strong image in my mind of what I’m looking for that I always try to reconcile this imaginary “list” of characteristics against the person I am trying to get to know. Sometimes it is to my own detriment because I don’t allow myself to get to the know person before making certain judgments. Sometimes I am able to overcome this and look past the flaws of the individual and then there are times I decide that there are certain things I cannot or am not willing to live with.
I believe we are all self saboteurs to a certain degree. It’s almost as though we don’t actually believe we deserve happiness, which sounds ridiculous, but I’m sure this thought would resonate with many people. At least you are able to recognize that you have certain issues that stem from your past that you need to deal with. You don’t always push every person away or you never would have had any significant relationships in your life. I personally have witnessed you making great strides towards trying to open up and allow people into your life. I am grateful that you have let me in and it’s been amazing to see your growth. You’ve always been a person with enormous potential and you are really coming into your own. I for one am proud of you and love you dearly. I know you don’t do well with these sentiments because you so rarely have received them in life but I appreciate that you allow me to tell you how I feel just the same.
Now back to the question at hand. Try to let yourself be open to new possibilities. It is scary and you can think of plenty of reasons why you wouldn’t like a person. Can you try to think of reasons why you may like them? It’s always harder to pick out the good traits. Especially in the beginning because we are so focused on the negative. Every little thing that we don’t like raises some kind of warning flag. If those negative feelings are too strong or overwhelming, however, I am a firm believer in following your gut instinct. On the other hand, if you think there may be some potential then give this person the benefit of the doubt. Little things like ugly furniture can be changed. It’s the other things that you need to see if you can learn to live with. Hair generally doesn’t grow back and you certainly can’t do anything about a person’s height. If you can’t live with this and physically the chemistry isn’t there for you then you can’t force it. At least you will know that you made a fair attempt and you won’t always regret that you didn’t even give the poor guy a chance.
Lastly, don’t feel like you have to settle. As we mature we get that instinct to want to build a life with someone. I just don’t think that we need to be in any rush to do so. This man is not the only one out there with potential. Just make sure to keep your options open in the beginning so that you don’t miss out on anyone. I am just amazed at the population of single males out there and a lot of them have great things to offer. Seems like there are men of quality with good jobs, that earn a good living, that are good looking and nice. You should never feel like you are going to date someone because that is the only person showing interest. I guarantee you that there are a plethora of options and that you can have your pick. That being said…take a chance on this person. You did say that they make you laugh, you can really talk to them, and that you have some common interests. These things are all a great basis or foundation on which to start building a meaningful relationship. The world is your oyster kiddo! You just have to determine what is really important to you, what you are willing to live with and most importantly, learn to follow your heart and listen to your gut. If you are 100% true to yourself then you cannot go wrong.
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