What is wrong with me?

I have been wondering this the past few days. I have found a guy who makes me laugh, i can talk to, and there are some common interest. Now I'm starting to find his faults. I drive home and think about how can i date a guy whose only a few inches taller than me and balding and has ugly furniture. I know it sounds crazy. So, i keep wondering what is wrong. Why do I try to sabotage myself? I find someone that I'm interested in and soon after I start looking around at others. I always do this. (I'm not talking about cheating or dating two or three guys at the same time) Yes, i have commitment issues but only with my heart.

I have such a hard time letting people into my life. Almost every person from my childhood through early adulthood has let me down and not been there for me. I can still count on one hand how many people really know me. As a child you adapt and you don't know any different. Kids are very resilient to their environment. It's always been me looking out for me. I've always done things for me. I push people away when they get close. The good ones stick around and let me work out my issues and (thankfully) let me work out my trust issues and learn to trust them.

I like the bad boys the one that you don't settle down with. Probably because i know nothing serious will come of it.

I just don't know what it means. I have been in a serious relationship before (not many but i have).

I can't decide

At my work a lady is doing "the biggest loser" for weight loss. Kind of like the show. It will be for 12 weeks and whoever loses the most percentage of body weight wins $$$. It cost $10 a paycheck (60 total). Part of me would like to do it. I just don't know if i am mentally ready.

I like competition and i like to win. Actually I can be super competitive. I just usually don't try because it drives me insane, if i don't win. To say I am obsessive, would be an understatement...

It would be good to lose 30-40 lbs. I'm thinking i should just do it. I'll have to win though, else i will be incredible irritated at the end of the whole thing (which is why i don't usually try at things). Why set yourself up for failure? But, i can do this.... What do I have to lose but a few pounds and $60, right? :)

Interning

I started interning last week at a new school in Chandler. This school is two years old. It's nice that everything is brand new. And I think once i start teaching i would like to be at a newer school, if it's even an option.

Since deciding to major in education i thought i would teach the younger ones. After all they are so cute, aren't they? I have come to realize i am not warm and fuzzy enough to teach them. Last semester the 2nd graders cried - it seemed like someone was crying at least once a week.
Not sure I have the patience or who knows. I just like to think it's because I'm not warm and fuzzy. Not that i think teachers of the younger grades sprout down feathers.

I am now in the 4th grade, not literally, and i love it! I can read their hand writing. They don't cry. Actually i don't even know some of the questions they ask, so remind me not to apply for that show Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader because right now I'm not. Maybe in a few years after i have taught the upper grades and am familiar with the curriculum. Who knew teaching grade school would make me smarter. ;-)

Past Relationships

I think we meet all the wrong men, to give us the experience and to teach us things that we need for when the "right" guy for us comes along. In my relationships, I am much different than i was 5 years ago. My Mr. Right is no longer the same man. He's is so much more.

I am starting to want to have a more serious relationship. Is this meaning I am getting ready to settle down? Being single does have a lot of perks, but at some point it's time to grow up and not be so self-centered. Just meaning when your single it's all about 'me' and not 'us'.

This "young" bird is almost ready to leave the nest.

Desert Dwellers

Let me tell you what really sucks about living in Arizona. I am getting sick and tired of living with nasty scorpions. I get completely grossed out when i see one. I have found two in the house this week. I say we have a problem. Apparently I'm the only one that thinks this way (in the household). They give me the heave jeeves and irritate me. Of course that probably is what happens when you wake up in the middle of the night with one on your pillow stinging your arm (still traumatized seven years later). AGH!